I am learning,
slowly
to be okay with the things
that I am not okay with,
loose endings
broken friendships
with no reparation in sight.

I am learning to let go
and not hold on so tight,
to let memories be
instead of thinking of them
tainted.

What’s done is done.
What’s past is past.
There is no use in looking back
for it will do nothing to help you move on,
when yesterday us gone.
The only direction is forward.

Perspective is all we gain from hindsight,
watching the road in the rearview mirror,
seeing how far we’ve come
and of how things might
look different
be different
if we had made different choices
and taken different roads,
said ‘no’ instead of ‘yes’,
and ‘yes’ instead of no,
knowing when to keeps our mouths
closed.

Loose lips sink ships
and I have sunk a few,
accidentally with excitement
and wanting people to talk to.
I did not think of the consequences,
and was blind to the unforseen circumstances,
until the rose-coloured glasses
shattered upon my eyes,
and I saw things for how they are,
not how I wished them to be.

I am learning
to be okay with refusal of apologies,
for my actions
though I have tried to apologise
but perhaps I am already
the villain in some people’s eyes,
more than I realise.

I am learning to be kay
with the silence.
Silence is serenity,
sometimes necessary,
and often tells you everything you need to know.

Perhaps the things that bother me now
will not matter in a year, or so
and they will be just memories of their own.

I am learning every day,
how to be better and kinder,
to know what not to say
and to say to whom,
to sit with these feelings that feel overwhelming
and feel them,
in the hope that someday soon
they will shrink and dissolve
and disappear into the ether.

Who am I to know?

I am learning
that things change
and so do people,
and sometimes the greatest thing you can do for people
is change yourself
when you have become someone that is not authentic
and you are not the person you know you are,
when you hate the human being you’ve become.

I am learning that learning is constant
a constant, ongoing, evolutionary process.

To learn is to progress.

Mistakes are a part of learning too,
and to learn from them and start anew
is to bloom,
from bud to flower,
phoenix from the ashes,
all over again.