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If you read my post in March about where I’ve been, you’ll know that I vowed that this year I was going to post here regularly… and well, I don’t need to tell you that I failed miserably!

Actually, failed probably not the right word, as I truly believe that if you’re trying then you’re never failing. If you’re trying, you’re learning. If you’re trying, you’re growing. And growing is never failing.

But sometimes life just gets on top of us. Life gets busy and other things take over and we just don’t have the time or the capacity to post as much as we want. And other times, we lack creativity. I know that the latter has been a problem for me in recent months. I’m innately a creative person, but when things start taking their toll, or I lose grip of my work/life balance, I find that my creativity is stifled.

Sure, I could probably come on here and write about anything. But I don’t want to post something just for the sake of it. If I’m posting something here, I want it to be meaningful, insightful, or useful in some way. I want it to be personal and have thought behind it.

And what could be more personal to me than NCIS: Tony and Ziva premiering next week?! (Next week! Where did that time go?!)

Thus, I am reviving this blog as I’m truly hoping to do a review/breakdown of each episode and talk about my favourite moments. Whether or not that will actually happen, I don’t know, because it’s very possible that this show will melt my brain in the best way. This is literally a dream come true for the teenage fangirl inside me – for the sixteen year old who spent hours crying over the episode Past, Present, and Future because she was losing the one ship she adored most in the world.

So, whether you’re just browsing, or you’re here to keep up with my Tiva posts and anything else I might have to share – welcome… again.

I have the dentist today and the truth is, I hate it. I hate everything about going. Don’t get me wrong, my dentist is lovely and couldn’t be nicer… but the actual act of sitting in the chair and letting them poke around in my mouth is such a vulnerable and uncomfortable feeling for me.

I am filled with so much anxiety during the days beforehand that I barely eat, and I’ll be lucky if I get a couple of hours sleep. Usually, there’s nothing wrong. The check-up goes swimmingly, and I don’t have to see them again for six months. He tells me to lay off the sweets (oops – I do have a sweet tooth) and be mindful of how many fizzy drinks I consume (also a downfall – I love Pepsi Max) and to be sure that I’m brushing twice a day (I’ve only missed it once when I was utterly exhausted and fell asleep on the sofa thirty minutes after getting home, when I didn’t resurface until nine hours later.)

And yet, despite having had actual dental work done before – i.e a filling, which in hindsight wasn’t nearly as bad as I had been imagining it for my entire life… my fists still clench and my toes still curl for the entire five minutes I’m sat in the chair when he tells me that my mouth looks fine.

But, I know that I am not alone. Over 53% of Brits have some level of fear and anxiety about the dentist. There are millions of people out there who feel exactly the same way I do – perhaps because they’ve had a bad experience that essentially traumatised them for life (I did), or maybe because they’re ashamed of what their mouths/teeth look like as they haven’t taken proper care of them, and they’re worried about the dentist judging them (they should never judge – they’re there because they want to help you!) Either way, this feeling isn’t rare. It’s entirely more common than any of us think.

As I sit here and try and work, I can feel the anxiety severely setting in, and I’m a bundle of nerves. I know that in reality, it’s not going to be nearly as bad as I am imagining. I know that things are probably going to be fine – and even if they’re not, I have made it through a filling before. I know that I am capable of sitting there for however long it takes, listening to music while they drill and fill. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but I know it’s nothing I cannot handle.

So, if you’re reading this and you too are suffering from dental anxiety, please know that you are most definitely not alone. I see you. I feel it too. We are in this together.

Update: as predicted, everything was fine and I don’t need to go back for six months!